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Susie's Story -
21st August 2015
Life is like an ocean, deep, vast, and an unknown realm! At times knowing, seeing and feeling the power as one is tossed around on a small boat. Yet the power within enables a soul to travel through the turbulence, all that is thrown at us, thus reaching the great void of stillness, calm and therefore finally, being at peace! Home with All That Is!
The view of the moon from the hospital window in the late afternoon was magnificent and breathtaking, yet it would not peak or reach the “fullness of light” until the following night. In response to Susie’s question regarding the significance of the “full moon” and her desire to understand more regarding how the “light” was special, indeed was an “awakening” moment for both of us. The huge ball in the sky was the second for the month of July, therefore called a “blue moon”! It was approximately 5pm on Thursday, July 30, 2015 and I had spent almost two hours sitting with Suzie. I explained how the “light of the moon was about to reach its complete fullness”, giving her the time for the following night. A simple answer, yet profound as the hours and days began to unfold, all beginning with a phone call mid morning on the same day.
While sitting and waiting for my “live-in retreatant” to awaken, returning consciously from a soul travelling journey, Susie’s name came up on my phone. Immediately I answered her call, wondering if she was booking another session which we had discussed last time we spoke, just one month earlier. Or if she just wanted to call by and catch up, however, it was neither. Susie’s deep concern regarded a small rose heart crystal which I had given her during one of our initial sessions and was wondering how to return it to me, she had decided to terminate her life! Immediately I left my chair and headed upstairs to take the call privately, discovering Susie had been in hospital again for a week and now dependant on yet another machine to keep her alive, oxygen.
What I was hearing was one of disbelief yet another part of me knew that Susie’s decision to “pull the plug”, her words, expressing her very conscious life choice with an energy that was firm and final. I understood totally, aware that Susie’s battle with a life threatening illness had fully occupied every part of her life for ten years and I was honoured to be part of her journey over the last two. One week from receiving this phone call was the exact date just two years prior when Susie came to my home for the first of many sessions. Throughout the first month she came every week, then monthly sessions with a break over Christmas and New Year.
Life for Susie revolved around three hospital visits a week as her kidneys had failed, requiring a dialysis machine also to keep her on the planet. She came to me with a deep desire and intention to be one day free of it all, always displaying great hope. The kidneys and more were the result of the initial myeloma (cancer found in the bone marrow which crowds out the bone marrow, so as a result there is not enough space to make the required amount of normal blood cells). Mostly private sessions assisted Susie move through the memories held in relation to “fear”! The shamanic/earth stories also were held in being “cursed” but in relation to the bigger picture, felt she was being “punished by God”. Hence when I encouraged Susie to “write” her story the resistance was huge for she “felt” she would be “judged”, not just by God but everyone else as well!
However, the “collective” was very much part of all that was needed in relation to “fear of death”, for Susie did not hold this personally but through family and friends. So when I proposed to Susie in October, 2014 to have two other women assist with her session, Susie was delighted. One month later she shared the outcome, the doctors informed her that the cancer was only 5% so they had decided Susie did not require any further medication. However, Susie said, “I just need to shift the final tablets (steroids she was taking once a week) and looking forward to not requiring them any longer”! She walked more “freely” and shared with me how well she “felt”, partly due to a relief when informed that the breast cancer, given this news twelve months earlier was not there at all. I would consider this equal to a year of “torture”! Susie had “put out” to me in a text prior to the session in November, how she wanted to “get rid of the doctors, they are dictating my life” and wanted them “off the list” and with this latest report regarding the breast cancer, there was one less doctor in the big picture.
I came to be known as Susie’s “spiritual guide”, discovering this from a few people in the days which followed the phone conversation. Possibly the result of our two hour discussion on that final afternoon when I sat with Susie, learning from her partner Allan, how she had shared all with him! Assisting with a very conscious, yet deep subconscious journey through THE DOOR now beginning to open! A gift that not even Allan could begin to “know” or “hold” all that was required for Susie at this time, now choosing to “travel” beyond the beyond, only this time not retuning back into her physical body. There was still fear on many levels and Susie was aware that all was not complete. Essentially I was being asked to assist Susie “go where needed” with grace, ease and speed. The enormity of it all, considering what was happening with my live-in retreatant and others was possible through my own “channelled” guidance. After all, one of the tools I see and know assisting with the soul’s “channelled” gift through writing!
Over the hours we spoke in depth and when I began tuning into the crystals, I knew angel beings were beginning to come through the window. Indeed “A Room With A View“! The blue ocean was the backdrop along the wide expansive coastline and brought consciously through for Susie that the angelic beings were arriving. Not surprising then when she immediately said, “and so are the dolphins” (the angels of the water). Another crystal Susie had taken home with her following one of the sessions in the first months of our working together was a large dolphin. Indeed they were swimming etherically around her spacious room, also coming through the pathway in the direction of the moon, the east. I initially understood this after twelve years of “channelling” as “The Dolphin Gateway”!
A teaching of "The CrystaLoveLight Process", awakening in me consciously in 2003 while living near Byron Bay, the most eastern point of the Australian coastline. The “channelled” information came to me over a three year period of working in this part of the world, in particular with the “water” consciousness! A place where I had spent much time surfing, integrating and “channelling” all that was the experience of “soul travelling”. The body-board enabled me to go further, “travel” out into the ocean connecting with the dolphins both in the physical, also the whales etherically. The eastern gateway in this part of the world is where the sun and moon both, symbols of “light”, rise over the ocean. Reminding us all of the “fullest” potential possible on the earth when the Love (heart) is held equally in Light (the spirit).
Birthing and anchoring such a “powerful force” within each soul is an awakening! When the full potential is to see, hear, know and feel the LoveLight, the sense of “coming home” is profound. However, equally profound for Susie now was about “going home”! Travelling the “pathways of light”, beyond the moon and laughing about going to the “new earth” which had been on the television news just days before. Assuring Susie she would go there but also beyond, just as she had journeyed in many of the sessions held together over the years and how the “Light Beings” were coming to escort her. From each conscious realm, the earth, water and stars, they would come. Bringing various vibrations of Light through the dimensions where Susie would be “travelling”! Beyond the physical but not separate to the etheric! Hence the “Oneness of All That Is”, the God or Source that each soul holds deep within, fully when the heart is “one” with the spirit!
Susie had been to Brazil twice, visiting John of God in attempts to “heal” herself, being promised that they would assist her or free her from the dialysis machine. Also, the place where she had bought a clear quartz crystal on the first of two visits which she now held in her left hand and in the right was the small rose quartz, the shape of a heart. The very crystal she was concerned about returning to me but unsure how! So why this was part of the consciousness in connecting with me again, there is always more, I knew by the end of the day I was being called to assist her on yet another journey.
The crystals were her “doors”, as all are in re-connecting more consciously to the Heart of the Earth Mother from where they are formed, (birthed), although not separate to “the mother” energies of the water and starry realms, the "Great Mother". Regarding the crystal I simply said, “it is yours, a gift”. She “thanked me”, yet I knew Susie was the “gift” herself, not just in all that I had learnt from her but the selflessness often displayed when her own suffering was challenging enough. However, her physical body had finally lost “the battle”. Depending on her physical strength, she was ready to assist anyone when possible and given the opportunity, through it all, Susie’s determination was never doubted, coming from a place beyond her, yet deep within. One significant niece who had leukaemia was supported very much by Susie and was able to make a complete recovery.
Assuring me how much I had been of great assistance over the years, I asked Susie to explain further for I could not comprehend fully at that moment all that was happening. Like the John of God visits I had not been able to assist the recovery of her kidneys so she could be “free” of hospitals with the perception of “getting her life back”. Susie became emotional, only the second time I had seen her cry in two years and she shared, “you have helped me see life differently, opened my mind”! She spoke of the friends who had come into her life over the two years as genuine and I know that through our sessions her heart had opened more as she began to find her “spirit”. In the deep subconscious her “spirit” had become lost, separated and alone through years of illness, in particular the drugs/medication required for pain certainly have a huge impact on aspects of the “separation story”!
Throughout the years Susie was constantly dealing with many challenges her physical body had to endure, one after another! Throughout the three hour sessions, I always knew she would be on the massage table for most of the time, “soul travelling”! Wondering on many occasions when Susie arrived at my door just how she had managed to drive herself to my home. Seeing “energy” or the lack of it would be immediately confirmed in her own words but Susie was forever hopeful, courageous and determined to be “well”! The moon was rising higher in the sky and I discussed with Susie about returning on Saturday to visit her again. The next day, Friday, she would be busy with her four hour session on the kidney machine from 2 – 6pm.
As the sun set on that Thursday afternoon I walked out of the hospital, standing for a few minutes looking back at the building and the moon growing brighter, I sensed but also wondered if Susie would “leave” this very night! Later in the evening I reflected more deeply, sensing all that had unfolded during my visit, in particular, regarding the “light”. I contacted another friend and “channel” who had a great deal of experience with the dying as a volunteer in a hospice for souls knowing it was sooner rather than later to be completing their journey in this lifetime. It was that phone conversation which brought more fully into my consciousness the reality of what Susie had now “put out”. I, along with her partner, friends and family understood Susie’s decision but to actually hear her express this was still one of shock. Her doctor had asked Susie to wait a few days, for he too had been on a journey with his patient for many years. However, the offering or even suggesting by the doctor that there was something “new” to explore, medications and treatments what would keep Susie on the planet in this incarnated body was now beyond her! Enough!
The day was set for Monday, giving Susie time to reflect or reconsider her decision and allow the opportunity over the weekend for all who wished to connect with her to do so. Accepting Susie’s choice and honouring her decision by many family and friends was conscious, however, the deep subconscious was a very different story with several unable to “let her go”! The significance of this moon had another level of consciousness for this particular occurrence would not take place again until 2018! After all, the portal or gateway had been opened, even though I was not fully conscious of this when I left the hospital! The full extent of my visit was not yet realised in regard to the “big picture”, for in the days to follow, several “doors” would indeed continue to open, the “inner earth realms, pathways of crystal light and the cosmos” or possibly described as “eternity”, the Great Creation Web of CrystaLoveLight.
Friday, the last day of July, the moon would be holding the greatest light possible at 8.43pm. The session with my “live-in retreatant” began mid morning and as we “travelled” I was aware that Susie had come into my space. A conscious memory held by her, my retreatant and others over the months, many of whom I had been assisting was indeed now showing itself “collectively”. The ability to “soul travel” is a gift of The CrystaLoveLight Process, therefore a personal and collective memory is “not being able to travel” or go where needed, both etherically and will eventually manifest in the physical if unable to be shifted through various vibrational frequencies. So at that moment Susie was again showing me, deep in the subconscious that she was “not able to go or travel where needed” but not totally hers for the “collective” takes a great deal to work with and very challenging to move through it all on one’s own.
Deep within myself I too was conscious through my own “inner soul travelling” journeys of holding such memories of not being able to “travel, therefore it would not be possible to journey where needed with any other soul”! So definitely not possible to “create the pathways” needed, weaving the web of “light”, just like the “spider” who builds her web and the bigger the web, the further a soul can travel, eventually beyond the consciousness where the soul initially “birthed”! Through the heart and spirit coming together as “one”! The pathways of “light” which enable a soul “travel” through various vibrational frequencies where such memories are held, fear, beliefs or the collective.
On Friday evening I received a text message from Susie and was very aware that she would be finishing her session on the dialysis machine, my phone indicating it was 5.46pm. She shared the following, “it sounds like my sister is going to be ok xxx”. A concern expressed to me during our time together the previous day! Her older sister was arriving on Saturday afternoon and Susie’s fear, “she would take over”! Susie was unsure she could deal with the control, also regarding the doctor so I encouraged her to “find her voice! To speak her truth”!
At some stage during my visit I assisted Susie find several small crystals in her handbag and arranged them on her bedside cupboard. Her energy was so low at times she would need to rest for a couple of minutes before continuing, however she was use to this with me, not needing to talk but just ‘holding the space’! If she moved her arms or legs, she would be totally exhausted, needing to wait and recover. Again the “silence” was comfortable between us! Recovering the crystals from the bottom of her handbag seemed to give her comfort and no matter the size of the crystal, each is a “door” but I did not work with these consciously.
Other concerns for Susie also were about choosing the celebrant, torn between me and her yoga teacher of ten years. I assured her that I did not need to be the celebrant, able to assist her in other ways and encouraging her to contact Doreen as soon as I left. Ensuring Susie that she “speak”, making known to Doreen all that was necessary as she continued with the planning on various levels and putting in place all that was essential before the family arrive. However, her other concern was waiting for Allan’s phone call as he was bringing her dinner, Chinese and it had to be “duck”. The hospital food tray had arrived and while she enjoyed the sweets, able to taste the desert dishes but nothing else.
My text response to Susie on the Friday evening regarding her sister was as follows, “Wonderful. See you tomorrow. Probably in the morning if that suits you better”! Her reply read, “yes anytime, looking forward to seeing you” and indeed it was her last text for the next one to arrive on my phone came from Allan at 8.46 am Saturday morning. “Just been called to John Flynn (hospital), it’s time for Susie”! I immediately rang Allan, learning that Susie had “taken a turn for the worst”, his words!
I had planned to drop my retreatant at a local zoo to connect with the animals while visiting Susie but left home without him and arrived at 9.30am to discover she had died peacefully half an hour earlier. Allan who had been with her until 9.30 pm on the Friday evening, also was not present, just the nursing staff. I approached her room and the sign read, “do not enter, check at the desk”! I stood for a moment then walked towards reception when a nursing sister came along, asking me if she could help? Obvious as it was an hour before the official visiting hours! I explained how Allan had just rung me and as we walked I was informed that Susie had died. Also the nurse asked, “how did you know Susie”? My reply, “I have been assisting her for four years”! Wondering later why I had expressed that time frame, realising that it had seemed like four years in the “etheric” of where we had “travelled” together, while the actual physical period had been two.
Allan and I stayed with Susie until midday, being informed at 11.30am that they needed to move her body. Over the hours only one other friend came to visit her and stayed for approximately twenty minutes, left than came back for about the same time. I had expressed to Allan how I would be “travelling” with Susie now completing the journey that had begun two years before, but more significantly since Thursday afternoon. The rest of the family and other friends did not come into the space, the way had been cleared for me to “go where needed” with Susie. To the place of “Oneness” where the “heart and spirit” are in total union through All That Is! Standing at the foot of the bed, holding onto Susie’s feet, a profound “energy” was “channelled” as the final “etheric doors” opened! As on previous occasions with such “channelled energy” I would need something to hold onto, this time it was the end of Susie’s hospital bed, otherwise I would have been down on my hands and feet, on the floor!
The expansion in the room was huge as Susie lay with her crystals, her own she held in her right hand and Allan’s, a similar crystal in the left. On completion of the “soul travelling” experience, a nurse came to discuss the period of time we had left, asking Allan about the rings she was still wearing. Allan did not know the significance of one but the other was Susie’s grandmothers and was being gifted to her only brother, not either of her two remaining sisters! However, the brother did not want it so I suggested to Allan it be kept with the crystals! The nurse left the room and Allan stood on Susie’s left while I was on the other side of the bed. I took Susie’s crystal from her hand and held it over her, Allan thought I was giving it to him but as he took the crystal I also held onto it and on behalf of us both, I thanked Susie for all she had taught us and I wished her well with my final words, “enjoy the journey”!
I arrived home at 12.30pm needing to assist my retreatant, asking him if he wanted to walk to the gym or the beach. He opted for the beach! I was happy with this choice for I knew when I left the hospital that was where I “needed to go”! What followed, a further session “soul travelling”, both on the beach and again back in my home.
The “etheric” travelling was being matched by the physical journey for I too was heading north the following day, assisting groups over three days then expecting to return for Susie’s funeral, only to hear that her ceremony was being held eleven days from the day of her passing in the chapel of the crematorium. On my return trip home, by train four days later after further intensive sessions with several souls, I received a message to send flowers to Allan and the words were “channelled” especially for him. He received the flowers and contacted me on Saturday, just one week from being with Susie in the hospital. I knew the words were for him and his journey had just begun through Susie. Two years prior he was the one who gave Susie my business card but I had only met him once when I visited Susie for a session in her home. So sick, it was one occasion when I travelled to her, knowing that “vibrational energy shifts” were also necessary in her own personally space, her home.
A beautiful two acre property, approximately thirty minutes drive from my home was once again to be visited, coming from Allan’s concern with the “energies”, describing them as a “demonic attack”, also a belief and probably “collective”. Suggesting we do some “energy work” on Sunday again together, I was conscious of the beautiful sunny winter’s day we were experiencing and was guided to take my very large citrine crystal, only possible when travelling by car. Also guided to take two other crystals and the rhythm sticks which were the major sounding tool! However, the greatest gift was of course my voice, “channelling” the “sounds of the mother” as we walked and mapped or created “pathways of light” around the property that Susie had called “home” on this earth.
Before Allan and I began walking the earth and connecting to the “water” through a very small creek, we initially stood inside where all Susie’s crystals were sitting, along with Allan’s and the two I had brought along. Lighting a candle, we began another journey, this time very physical and the large citrine was placed in the driveway, leading both to Susie’s door and in the other direction up a slight incline, leading out of the property. While physical, it was also etheric and I had a sense of what was happening, activations as well “soul travelling”, shifting through vibrational frequencies. The “feeling” gift is my way of knowing, seeing and hearing, therefore the power of this energy moves my legs and arms, taking my physical body where needed! Therefore am ‘out of my head’ and able to “trust the process” totally.
Any low vibrational “energies” brought in by those who are able to, can be shifted, but it is “holding” this space that is the key and similar to the unconditional love a mother has for her child. However, to continue being able to ‘hold’ both the LoveLight together the now guardian and keeper of the property, Allan, required some assistance with the expansion of his own ‘CrystaLoveLight Body”. The journey continued in the physical over the year since I had been on her property, but it had been “light years” in the etheric. The journey took about two hours! One and a half with sounding, walking and birthing the “light” through the citrine crystal, the conscious door where at the conclusion I asked Allan to sit. An etheric and physical conscious “gateway”! Holding onto the large crystal was a connection to the Heart of the Mother, through All That Is! Susie showed herself in “spirit” to me in the form of an “eagle”, standing tall at the top of the road. I walked to the top of the incline, overlooking the property and “heard” the message! I am here to assist “hold” the LoveLight, then she moved closer to the house, “shape-shifting” into an angel. Like any large winged being she covered the entire property with her “wings of light”!
Our work was complete, almost! However, the final half hour was about integrating through the physical so suggested to Allan we clean the back patio, an undercover BBQ area as long in distance as the house itself. I had received this message also when walking, playing the rhythm sticks and sounding with my voice that the etheric shifting had to be matched by the physical. On another level the house was being prepared to be “sold” so Allan was working constantly to have it all ‘looking’ good and ready for an open day with the real estate agents. The lounge or outdoor setting had been purchased by Susie just a short time prior to her death. As well as the raking of leaves, wiping the lounge covers and chairs, the hose was necessary, the “water” consciousness that Susie was so connected too throughout her adventurous life. All reflecting the “LoveLight” as we integrated more now in the physical, the “energy” expansion through both of us and the property, All That IS!
The final public ceremony for Susie was held three days later and it was during her “eulogy” where I leant so much more of an amazing life. Her adventures on the high seas reflected her inner strength, determination and desire to be a “free spirit”. Many stories were listened too on that day, how Susie, while born near Cornwell in England, moved with her big sister and parents almost immediately to Australia. Susie’s father was a mariner and her love of the “water”, in particular, the ocean lead her to apply and be accepted on a journey to circumnavigate the world with two men, a navigator and a photographer, also with two other women. Susie was just eighteen years of age at the time! Also she was the first female to be on board a boat during the Boxing Day, Sydney to Hobart yacht race. Successfully making a career in the modelling and movie making industry adding to her global travel as well as the many connections made throughout her life! At just sixty four, she had definitely “lived life to the full” and would continue to do!
Those who knew her in person or from a distance through my email requests last year to assist her, I thank you! While I assisted Susie through the physical, there were many occasions I would briefly speak to her on the phone either at home or in the hospital, guiding her how to work with the crystals and the light! It often takes years before all the “pieces of the jigsaw puzzle” come together and the BIG PICTURE reveals all! However, I have come to understand there is not just one jigsaw with many pieces finding their “way home”, but several! “Channelled” through not just one “web” but several Creation Webs of CrystaLoveLight through where each soul has the potential to “travel” and birth! Eternity, “beyond the beyond”!
The ring given to Susie by her grandmother was placed on the large crystal!
I am aware that Susie has been with me as I write, “channel” all that this email holds in LoveLight! The arrangement of flowers, from her final service at the crematorium, sit on my left in my “sacred space” and a booklet showing a very young vibrant woman will now be placed in my own folder with those who I have significantly “travelled” with in this lifetime, far beyond the consciousness.
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